Rant Time

I have really been doing well lately on not ranting as much, but after this weekend I feel like I need a new place of release. Since I am unable to verbally rant with people as it comes back and smacks you hard across the face writing will be my outlet.

I am a 28 year old woman that lives in her parents home again. That was my mistake. I moved far away because I needed to "get a fresh start" I desired to get away since moving to this God awful place all those years ago. I vowed after college graduation I would make my move and I did. After 3 years I decided to come back. Yeah, I was alone, and away from everyone, parents, friends, friends kids, God child but I needed it for me. I needed my sense of ownership...where I was not in the shadows of being some one's "child." I also learned that my mother was depressed about my living so far and not being able to have me close. Yet she is the reason for the blog.

I have been back uhh 7 months now, and I knew eventually I would get to the point where I again dreaded being here. I work in Lawrence just to get away each day and not encounter "Topeka people". While all the same people I once talked to still live in Topeka I see none of them really. There is a man in my life, but not to the extent as I would like. There are others around but I vowed to cut off people this year 2014 trying to give more of me to him. (You can say a mistake) Here I am falling, while trying to prevent myself because I don't know if it's too soon. And how can you fall for someone you hardly know.

So I haven't been in the mood of going to Antioch lately. I probably missed all of March...who knows. I am just over that place like I was when I was away. All I hear are my parents complain about things going on...my mom has had her feelings hurt more than on one occasion. My vibes are off for being there. I thought I missed the closeness of being in a church home of people who know you, but not when they remember you as a child and don't  see you as an adult with a mind of your own.

It's the third week of April....I am finally going back to church for Easter. Heathen, I know.
Until next time....